I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. Elayne Boosler divorcehavemarry Change image and share on social
Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore. Garrison Keillor anymoredeathfunny Change image and share on social
I was very young, and I kind of decided I wanted to do comedy. My parents were musicians, so we traveled on a tour bus. You're in a different town every night; as a kid, you're trying to make friends fast. You try to be funny. Trevor Moore buscomedydecide share on social
If you can find the line between sympathetic and creepy, you have reached a very funny area. Jason Segel areacreepyfind Change image and share on social
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives. Billy Connolly armyhaveknife Change image and share on social
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. Fred Allen changechoirchurch Change image and share on social
I like making fun of myself a lot. I like being made fun of, too. I've always enjoyed it. There's just something really, really funny about someone tearing into me. John Mulaney enjoyfunfunny Change image and share on social
Instant gratification takes too long. Carrie Fisher gratificationinstantlong Change image and share on social
