If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat! Demetri Martin fatladlespoon Change image and share on social
Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it. Mike Judge funnylifesteal Change image and share on social
Electricity is really just organized lightning. George Carlin electricitylightningorganize Change image and share on social
I used to love being the class clown. I loved to make jokes and make people laugh. There was a set of students who would find it funny. But the cool students were like, 'Eeew!' Issa Rae classclowncool Change image and share on social
Every man has a sane spot somewhere. Robert Louis Stevenson mansanespot Change image and share on social
All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911. Lewis Black candycornmake Change image and share on social
Well, I mean, if a joke or humor is bawdy, it's got to be funny enough to warrant it. You can't just have it bawdy or dirty just for the sake of being that - it's got to be funny. Betty White bawdydirtyfunny Change image and share on social
I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something is wrong with me. Elayne Boosler divorcehavemarry Change image and share on social
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be. Joan Rivers equalfortypartner Change image and share on social
