Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America. James Joyce americachristophercolumbus Change image and share on social
It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too. Bob Saget aristocratcleanclock share on social
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams deadlineflylove Change image and share on social
Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark. O. Henry darkhomelight Change image and share on social
They're just jokes, people. They can't all be funny. Theo Von funnyjokepeople Change image and share on social
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. Albert Einstein cindercourtgirl Change image and share on social
I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. Douglas Adams deadreasonspend Change image and share on social
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively. Laurence J. Peter consecutivelycorrectexpert Change image and share on social
I direct with energy. I believe in energy. I think energy is an electric thing in actors. I try to inspire, encourage, and make choices with lots of energy. And truth. I'm big fan of truth and being funny. I like leading 50 people into battle every day. Matthew Lillard actorbattlebig share on social
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. David Letterman actdancehost Change image and share on social
