It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too. Bob Saget aristocratcleanclock share on social
Christopher Columbus, as everyone knows, is honored by posterity because he was the last to discover America. James Joyce americachristophercolumbus Change image and share on social
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. Douglas Adams deadlineflylove Change image and share on social
Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark. O. Henry darkhomelight Change image and share on social
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller eatkitchenodor Change image and share on social
I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons. Douglas Adams deadreasonspend Change image and share on social
To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is. Dick Cavett intellectuallabelmisunderstand Change image and share on social
I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from. Eddie Izzard europegrowhistory Change image and share on social
I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host. David Letterman actdancehost Change image and share on social
My boy and I move. We have this game where if we dress in a particular item of clothing, we have to do a different movement. A hat means 20 jumps - that sort of thing. When I put a scarf on, my son has to drop down and do push-ups, immediately. He thinks it's really funny. Magnus Scheving boyclthedress share on social
