Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer. Joan Rivers husbandkillerlove Change image and share on social
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy. Joan Rivers audiencegrouproutine Change image and share on social
Every television show you go on is a choice. Joan Rivers choiceshowtelevision Change image and share on social
With plastic surgery, the general anesthetic is like a black-velvety sleep, and that's what death is - without waking up to someone clapping and going, 'Joan, wake up, it's all over and you're looking pretty'. Joan Rivers anestheticblackclap share on social
I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him. Joan Rivers chatcrowedoor share on social
Fat jokes aren't relevant, but they're hilarious when you find them. Joan Rivers fatfindhilarious Change image and share on social
Everyone forgets comedians are actors. There's no question about it. A Robin Williams cannot say the same line every night for 40 weeks and make it sound fresh unless he's doing an acting job. Joan Rivers actactorcomedian Change image and share on social
I get butterflies before I go out to say hello at a party. Joan Rivers butterflyparty Change image and share on social
Part of my act is meant to shake you up. It looks like I'm being funny, but I'm reminding you of other things. Life is tough, darling. Life is hard. And we better laugh at everything; otherwise, we're going down the tube. Joan Rivers actdarlingfunny share on social
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible. Joan Rivers badforwardhappen Change image and share on social
