Top 53 Quotes by George Carlin

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.