If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work. Mitch Hedberg drawkidkitchen Change image and share on social
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy. Mitch Hedberg codecrazydancer Change image and share on social
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it. Mitch Hedberg brainbriancall Change image and share on social
Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes. Mitch Hedberg bolognadelieye Change image and share on social
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg diefakeplant Change image and share on social
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero? Mitch Hedberg belthappenhero Change image and share on social
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. Mitch Hedberg boildrinkwant Change image and share on social
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. Mitch Hedberg buycakecandle Change image and share on social
I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people. Mitch Hedberg katkitpeople Change image and share on social
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.' Mitch Hedberg askbananafreeze Change image and share on social