I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific. Mitch Hedberg cubeicemake Change image and share on social
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something. Mitch Hedberg eatgreathungry Change image and share on social
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy. Mitch Hedberg codecrazydancer Change image and share on social
Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes. Mitch Hedberg bolognadelieye Change image and share on social
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. Mitch Hedberg dreamgoinhook Change image and share on social
I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it. Mitch Hedberg brainbriancall Change image and share on social
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle. Mitch Hedberg boildrinkwant Change image and share on social
If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work. Mitch Hedberg drawkidkitchen Change image and share on social
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. And it was way to literal for me. Mitch Hedberg crateforkforklift Change image and share on social
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Mitch Hedberg blockbusinesscasino share on social
