Mitch Hedberg

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

Some of the free lunch programs were still goin' on - based on the last leg of the Black Panther Party.

I always dreamed of writing in an orchestral context. But when you finish a piece, you want to hear it. So we played everything with Phish.

So many people have told me that 'Wicked' is their first musical ever and that they're hooked for life. I'm like, 'Wow, you really got it right when you picked this show to be your first one.'