The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. Mitch Hedberg depressgoodmatter Change image and share on social
All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me. Mitch Hedberg approvefunnyjoke Change image and share on social
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them. Mitch Hedberg diefakeplant Change image and share on social
I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle. Mitch Hedberg fingerwhistle Change image and share on social
I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before. Mitch Hedberg leagueplay Change image and share on social
I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality. Mitch Hedberg backblowbubble Change image and share on social
I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake. Mitch Hedberg buycakecandle Change image and share on social
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. Mitch Hedberg necklaceupsidewanna Change image and share on social
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults. Mitch Hedberg adultalfredocheese Change image and share on social
I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. Mitch Hedberg humanpyramidunnecessary Change image and share on social
