I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down. Mitch Hedberg necklaceupsidewanna Change image and share on social
Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults. Mitch Hedberg adultalfredocheese Change image and share on social
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. Mitch Hedberg daylongsleep Change image and share on social
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs. Mitch Hedberg combinationfoosballkabob Change image and share on social
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming. Mitch Hedberg carcomeheadlight Change image and share on social
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle. Mitch Hedberg addictblackjackcircle Change image and share on social
When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away. Mitch Hedberg flyerhandthrow Change image and share on social
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. Mitch Hedberg dreamgoinhook Change image and share on social
An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. Mitch Hedberg breakconvenienceescalator Change image and share on social
I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones. Mitch Hedberg addfixgonna Change image and share on social
