Mitch Hedberg

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

It is good to be in front of the lens to appreciate more being behind the lens.

I've always been very determined, ever since I was a little girl, to make my way.

He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.