The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. Henny Youngman betdiaryhorse Change image and share on social
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad; but New York City? Henny Youngman badcitydad Change image and share on social
You have a nice personality, but not for a human being. Henny Youngman humannicepersonality Change image and share on social
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say. Henny Youngman godsneeze Change image and share on social
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. Henny Youngman bottledrinkeighty Change image and share on social
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman affectiongivehome Change image and share on social
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman candlelightdancedinner Change image and share on social
Why don't Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering. Henny Youngman drinkinterferejew Change image and share on social
Those two are a fastidious couple. She's fast and he's hideous. Henny Youngman couplefastfastidious Change image and share on social
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet. Henny Youngman afraidbetclub Change image and share on social
