Henny Youngman

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

James Bond is quite serious about his drinks and clothing and cigarettes and food and all that sort of thing. There is nothing wry or amused about James Bond.

I knew I was doing something right because it was selling so I didn't want to interfere with it.

I'm not a very religious man, but I'm proud to be a Jew.