The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip. Download Download Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Rotate quotes bet diary horse
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it. Henny Youngman costdivorcejewish Change image and share on social
My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way. Henny Youngman cookdresskill Change image and share on social
My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. Henny Youngman bottledrinkeighty Change image and share on social
I write for kids because I think the most interesting (and most humorous) stories come from people's childhoods. When I was writing 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid,' I had a blast talking on the phone to my younger brother, Patrick, remembering all of the things that happened to our family when we were growing up. Jeff Kinney blastbrotherchildhood share on social
If a horse has four legs, and I'm riding it, I think I can win. Charles Caleb Colton horselegride Change image and share on social
I think he had a wake-up call. It's a different kind of race, and I think maybe he didn't take it quite as seriously as he might have, but you can bet he learned a lot of lessons. Frank Shorter betcallkind Change image and share on social