When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. Erma Bombeck barkbathroomcall Change image and share on social
Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub. Erma Bombeck agebathtubdog Change image and share on social
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. Erma Bombeck cartshopsteal Change image and share on social
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. Erma Bombeck jonese Change image and share on social
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. Erma Bombeck birthdaydefendelectric Change image and share on social
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck coincidenceconsumedinner Change image and share on social
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. Erma Bombeck buryegyptianforever Change image and share on social
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck bedbunkchore Change image and share on social
I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. Erma Bombeck accentbuycosmetic Change image and share on social
