Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old. Erma Bombeck cartshopsteal Change image and share on social
Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you. Erma Bombeck jonese Change image and share on social
A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. Erma Bombeck birthdaydefendelectric Change image and share on social
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck coincidenceconsumedinner Change image and share on social
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck bedbunkchore Change image and share on social
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. Erma Bombeck awakechildchristmas Change image and share on social
I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent. Erma Bombeck accentbuycosmetic Change image and share on social
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide. Erma Bombeck humoristliterarystart Change image and share on social
Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. Erma Bombeck birthcarlend Change image and share on social
