Top 77 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you'll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

Youngsters of the age of two and three are endowed with extraordinary strength. They can lift a dog twice their own weight and dump him into the bathtub.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

Children make your life important.

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.