Never accept a drink from a urologist. Erma Bombeck acceptdrinkurologist Change image and share on social
Never order food in excess of your body weight. Erma Bombeck bodyexcessfood Change image and share on social
House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad. Erma Bombeck badguesthouse Change image and share on social
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other. Erma Bombeck confusefamehelen Change image and share on social
Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery. Erma Bombeck batterycarguarantee Change image and share on social
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.' Erma Bombeck checkoutchildpractical Change image and share on social
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween. Erma Bombeck grandmotherhalloweenpretend Change image and share on social