Erma Bombeck

Because of my Asian-ness, I couldn't be anonymous - what I said, what I ate, what I did at the weekend were startlingly different to what everyone else did. I was also a performer, quick and chameleon-like, good at accents, so that made me stand out.

The problem with cosmetic surgery is that people who have it can only see how they look in the mirror. They don't realise how weird they look from other angles. I particularly hate the injections that puff out the face, which are hideous.