Top 77 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother.

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.

Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?