My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. Erma Bombeck bedbunkchore Change image and share on social
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. Erma Bombeck buzzardcarexercise Change image and share on social
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely. Erma Bombeck dreamdreamerlonely Change image and share on social
In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. Erma Bombeck braceletcharmdecade Change image and share on social
Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago. Erma Bombeck agobackbox Change image and share on social
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck coincidenceconsumedinner Change image and share on social
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. Erma Bombeck affairgivehave Change image and share on social
Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead. Erma Bombeck browndeadfruit Change image and share on social
For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy. Erma Bombeck easylastlong Change image and share on social
On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings. Erma Bombeck beachbelongingbody Change image and share on social