Top 77 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.

It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.