Top 77 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Never accept a drink from a urologist.

House guests should be regarded as perishables: Leave them out too long and they go bad.

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.