There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo. Erma Bombeck arrivemiserableparadise Change image and share on social
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. Erma Bombeck biteendgive Change image and share on social
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. Erma Bombeck buryegyptianforever Change image and share on social
I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.' Erma Bombeck checkoutchildpractical Change image and share on social
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick. Erma Bombeck bedblanketchild Change image and share on social
If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it. Erma Bombeck laughmake Change image and share on social
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy. Erma Bombeck anatomydesignerfigure Change image and share on social
I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up. Erma Bombeck blowbraincomputer Change image and share on social
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. Erma Bombeck buzzardcarexercise Change image and share on social
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. Erma Bombeck companiondinnerhome share on social
