Top 77 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

When your mother asks, 'Do you want a piece of advice?' it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway.

My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: 'Checkout Time is 18 years.'

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a state funeral or something. Someday I may get up enough courage to wear it, instead of carrying it.