Top 55 Quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.