Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.' Rodney Dangerfield bartenderbeatgod Change image and share on social
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it. Rodney Dangerfield dayeyegarbage Change image and share on social
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm. Rodney Dangerfield armbonedog Change image and share on social
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother. Rodney Dangerfield beardoctormother Change image and share on social
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet. Rodney Dangerfield hatemeetpsychiatrist Change image and share on social
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table. Rodney Dangerfield agefactfood Change image and share on social
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. Rodney Dangerfield honestluckpolitician Change image and share on social
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. Rodney Dangerfield halloweenkidparent Change image and share on social
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. Rodney Dangerfield asleepblindday Change image and share on social
With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. Rodney Dangerfield birthdayjoinmake Change image and share on social
