With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me. Rodney Dangerfield birthdayjoinmake Change image and share on social
My mother had morning sickness after I was born. Rodney Dangerfield bearmorningmother Change image and share on social
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.' Rodney Dangerfield bartenderbeatgod Change image and share on social
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid. Rodney Dangerfield calldogegypt Change image and share on social
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. Rodney Dangerfield carryfatherkid Change image and share on social
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife. Rodney Dangerfield beebirdbutcher Change image and share on social
My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light. Rodney Dangerfield afraiddarklight Change image and share on social
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me. Rodney Dangerfield fruitguyhear Change image and share on social
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was. Rodney Dangerfield calendardayjealousy Change image and share on social
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her. Rodney Dangerfield interruptspeakwife Change image and share on social
