Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

'Girl, Interrupted' is one of my favorite movies.

What people don't understand about Sarah Palin is that she is a rancher's wife. From Alberta down to Texas I've known women like that: good common sense, bright and vilified by city people.

Realistically speaking, I don't know how many more years I will want to be acting or will be invited to be.