I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face. Rodney Dangerfield asleepblindday Change image and share on social
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it. Rodney Dangerfield drinkgiveolive Change image and share on social
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control. Rodney Dangerfield askbirthboy Change image and share on social
I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette. Rodney Dangerfield cigarettegeneralmeet Change image and share on social
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend. Rodney Dangerfield boyfriendbreakmarriage Change image and share on social
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me. Rodney Dangerfield cheatgoodgoodness Change image and share on social
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend. Rodney Dangerfield breastfeedfriend Change image and share on social
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out. Rodney Dangerfield breakfightgame Change image and share on social
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home. Rodney Dangerfield daygirlhome Change image and share on social
The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest. Rodney Dangerfield honestluckpolitician Change image and share on social
