Top 451 Funny Quotes

I love airports because funny things always happen at them. They're giant complexes full of urgency, seriousness, and confusion. Where am I supposed to be? Which way do I go? And that's just the staff.

I have a rule - 'funny is funny!' When I write comedy, it's not my aim to upset people. I will be offensive, edgy and immature, but I will also be very intelligent and relevant. At my shows, there are no holy cows.

I detest jokes - when somebody tells me one, I feel my IQ dropping; the brain cells start to disappear. But something is funny when the person delivering the line doesn't know it's funny or doesn't treat it as a joke. Maybe it comes from a place of truth, or it's a sort of rage against society.