Erma Bombeck

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist.

If every time you engage in a sex act, you go into a confession box, you will never accept your own sexuality.

James Bond is quite serious about his drinks and clothing and cigarettes and food and all that sort of thing. There is nothing wry or amused about James Bond.