Erma Bombeck

On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial.

It has been well said that tea is suggestive of a thousand wants, from which spring the decencies and luxuries of civilization.

You probably found 'How to Survive a Robot Uprising' in the humor section. Let's just hope that is where it belongs.