Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is. Demetri Martin confusediefun Change image and share on social
I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs. Demetri Martin backlightpocket Change image and share on social
I saw a transvestite wearing a T-shirt that said 'Guess'. Demetri Martin guessshirttransvestite Change image and share on social
Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Demetri Martin laughmakething Change image and share on social
It seems that two of the most basic forms of comedy are jokes and stories. And, of course, they are not mutually exclusive. Demetri Martin basiccomedyexclusive Change image and share on social
I am completely attracted to the idea of simplicity, or at least removing things that seem unnecessary when trying to get an idea out there. Demetri Martin attractcompletelyidea Change image and share on social
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. Demetri Martin avoidplacepolitic Change image and share on social
Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron. Demetri Martin apronprintwise Change image and share on social
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters. Demetri Martin amputeecallhang Change image and share on social
I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. Demetri Martin findinterestlaw Change image and share on social
