I am completely attracted to the idea of simplicity, or at least removing things that seem unnecessary when trying to get an idea out there. Demetri Martin attractcompletelyidea Change image and share on social
If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator. Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped. I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half. Demetri Martin buildchooseelevator Change image and share on social
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. Demetri Martin avoidplacepolitic Change image and share on social
Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron. Demetri Martin apronprintwise Change image and share on social
I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. Demetri Martin findinterestlaw Change image and share on social
It feels like every day or two, people on Twitter and the Internet are outraged about something. Demetri Martin dayfeltinternet Change image and share on social
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal. Demetri Martin disposalgarbageplumb Change image and share on social
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest. Demetri Martin computerhonestlaugh Change image and share on social
Usually, I walk around and think about things. When I come across a thought that makes me laugh, I write it down. Demetri Martin laughmakething Change image and share on social
Saying, 'I'm sorry' is the same as saying, ' I apologize.' Except at a funeral. Demetri Martin apologizefuneral Change image and share on social
