I like to use 'I Can't Believe it's Not Butter' on my toast in the morning, because sometimes when I eat breakfast, I like to be incredulous. How was breakfast? Unbelievable. Demetri Martin breakfastbuttereat Change image and share on social
A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.' Demetri Martin bumperhanghey Change image and share on social
For example, I was a White House intern the summer before I dropped out of law school. Everybody knew about it. I'd come home and go to church and everybody would say, 'Oh, my God. Demetri, you're working at the White House.' Demetri Martin churchdemetridrop share on social
I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane. Like, if someone just mailed you an apple you'd be like, 'huh? What the hell is this?' But if it's in a fruit basket you're like, 'this is nice!' Demetri Martin abilityappearapple share on social
Whenever I'm on my computer, I don't type 'lol'. I type 'lqtm' - laugh quietly to myself. It's more honest. Demetri Martin computerhonestlaugh Change image and share on social
It's very easy to go through your whole life and never really get anything done or have any real meaningful interactions or relationships. All of a sudden you're dead, and I'm going to say that's got to be a letdown. Demetri Martin deadeasyinteraction share on social
I was a good student when I was a kid, and I did everything I was supposed to do, and I got A's. Demetri Martin goodkidstudent Change image and share on social
The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly. Demetri Martin cameradigitalgreat Change image and share on social
The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience. Demetri Martin audiencefeedbackfront Change image and share on social