I thought I would, you know, go to college, get to law school, finish, and then get a job and work as a lawyer, but that proved to be not a good fit for me. Demetri Martin collegefinishfit Change image and share on social
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. Demetri Martin birthdaychristmasearly Change image and share on social
I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punch line. Demetri Martin ideajokeline Change image and share on social
People and squirrels are very different. Most people will not argue that. But I find that there is one situation in which they're very similar. And that is: when I am driving towards them in my car. Then they're kind of hard to tell apart - especially if the human is kind of hairy. Demetri Martin arguecardrive share on social
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale. Demetri Martin actualaskclthe Change image and share on social
The shortest feedback loop I can think of is doing improvisation in front of an audience. Demetri Martin audiencefeedbackfront Change image and share on social
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. Demetri Martin funfunnyidea Change image and share on social
I am completely attracted to the idea of simplicity, or at least removing things that seem unnecessary when trying to get an idea out there. Demetri Martin attractcompletelyidea Change image and share on social
I tend to avoid televisions, politics, and places with velvet ropes. Demetri Martin avoidplacepolitic Change image and share on social
I went to law school. I found it interesting for the first three weeks. Demetri Martin findinterestlaw Change image and share on social
