I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.' Demetri Martin behaviorchaseday share on social
I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny. Demetri Martin funnykidpeople Change image and share on social
I went into a clothing store, and the lady asked me what size I was. I said, 'Actual'. I'm not to scale. Demetri Martin actualaskclthe Change image and share on social
Another term for balloon is bad breath holder. Demetri Martin badballoonbreath Change image and share on social
Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away. Demetri Martin funfunnyidea Change image and share on social
I think, at first blush, the '60s always enticed me. There's something about the '60s, it's not hard to like it. Demetri Martin 60sblushentice Change image and share on social
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything. Demetri Martin buygoodplay Change image and share on social
The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades. Demetri Martin attackbadcharade Change image and share on social
If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters. Demetri Martin amputeecallhang Change image and share on social