I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up. Demetri Martin bigcomediancomedy Change image and share on social
I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. 'Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries.' 'What kind?' 'B-batteries!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. 'Yes, I would like de batteries.' Demetri Martin avoidbatteryconfusion share on social
I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar! Demetri Martin askbigbite share on social
When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. Demetri Martin californiakidlive Change image and share on social
There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time. Demetri Martin callcomfortablefuton Change image and share on social
And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money. Demetri Martin jobmakemoney Change image and share on social
I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, 'Looks like you're writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you'll get more money.' Demetri Martin clipcomputercool share on social
My plumbing is all screwed up. Because it turns out, I do not own a garbage disposal. Demetri Martin disposalgarbageplumb Change image and share on social
I'd love to win trophies, be in movies, have a body of work I'm proud of and find a way to enjoy it along the way. Success is probably a more of a complicated thing than that. Demetri Martin bodycomplicateenjoy Change image and share on social
The comedians I liked were Bill Cosby and Steven Wright, like just always as a comedic actor. I always liked Gary Larson, who's really funny for a cartoonist, obviously. Demetri Martin actorbillcartoonist Change image and share on social