I wasn't even a big comedy nerd. A lot of the comedians I know - a lot of my friends are comedians - they knew a lot about comedy growing up. Demetri Martin bigcomediancomedy Change image and share on social
I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: 'Hope I don't get chased today.' 'Be nice to people in sneakers.' Demetri Martin behaviorchaseday share on social
I got into stand-up because I love stand-up. Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punch line. Demetri Martin ideajokeline Change image and share on social
I was walking in the park and this guy waved at me. Then he said, 'I'm sorry, I thought you were someone else.' I said, 'I am.' Demetri Martin guyparkthink Change image and share on social
I like women, but you can't always trust them. Some of them are big liars, like this one woman I met who had a dog. I asked her her dog's name and then I asked, 'Does he bite?' and she said, 'No.' And I said, 'So how does he eat?' Liar! Demetri Martin askbigbite share on social
When I was a kid, I always wanted to live in California because I liked skateboarding. Demetri Martin californiakidlive Change image and share on social
I love Steven Wright. I was in high school in the '80s, and there was a lot of stand up on television. Demetri Martin 80shighlot Change image and share on social
There's a store in my neighborhood called Futon World. I like that name, 'Futon World.' Makes me think of a magical place that gets less and less comfortable over time. Demetri Martin callcomfortablefuton Change image and share on social
And of course I didn't make any money from stand up for years, so I had temp jobs. That was the way I made money. Demetri Martin jobmakemoney Change image and share on social
I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. Demetri Martin birthdaychristmasearly Change image and share on social
