Top 181 Quotes by Steven Wright

About Steven Wright

These are some quotes by American author Steven Wright Comedian, who was born on December 6, 1955.

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

Steven Wright

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

Steven Wright

All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

Steven Wright

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Steven Wright

When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.

Steven Wright

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Steven Wright

My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.

My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time.

Steven Wright

It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.

It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.

Steven Wright

I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.

Steven Wright

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.

Steven Wright

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