I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.' Steven Wright boycakechocolate Change image and share on social
All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand. Steven Wright handpsychokinesisraise Change image and share on social
I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums. Steven Wright armheadmuseum Change image and share on social
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. Steven Wright finefishidiot Change image and share on social
My secret to staying young... Having no sense of time. Steven Wright secretsensestay Change image and share on social
It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear. Steven Wright gearheadhelp Change image and share on social
I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark. Steven Wright accidentbookmarkhit Change image and share on social
What I like about the jokes, to me it's a lot of logic, no matter how crazy they are. It has to make absolute sense, or it won't be funny. Steven Wright absolutecrazyfunny Change image and share on social
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories. Steven Wright backbringmemory Change image and share on social
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died. Steven Wright carddiefull Change image and share on social
