Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at. Steven Wright jokelaughpeople Change image and share on social
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me. Steven Wright brilliantcarsoncomic Change image and share on social
My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I know if I wasn't her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going. Steven Wright ballflipfunny share on social
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number. Steven Wright argumentconsiderlong Change image and share on social
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright afraidheightlot Change image and share on social
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke. Steven Wright arrestkaraokelip Change image and share on social
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you. Steven Wright skydivesucceed Change image and share on social
Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh. Steven Wright astronautfiremankid Change image and share on social
