Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at. Steven Wright jokelaughpeople Change image and share on social
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me. Steven Wright brilliantcarsoncomic Change image and share on social
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it. Steven Wright addbuyinstant Change image and share on social
My mother is from another time - the funniest person to her is Lucille Ball; that's what she loves. A lot of times she tells me she doesn't know what I'm talking about. I know if I wasn't her son and she was flipping through the TV and saw me, she would just keep going. Steven Wright ballflipfunny share on social
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number. Steven Wright argumentconsiderlong Change image and share on social
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright afraidheightlot Change image and share on social
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke. Steven Wright arrestkaraokelip Change image and share on social
Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh. Steven Wright astronautfiremankid Change image and share on social
