Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it. Steven Wright ironnoticepermanent Change image and share on social
I wear a hat on stage so that people won't be blinded by the reflection from my head. Also, if I don't wear a hat, there's no way that the hat can be at that level by itself on the stage. Steven Wright blindhathead Change image and share on social
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey? Steven Wright millionmonkeyshakespeare Change image and share on social
There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. Steven Wright departmentescalatoroutage Change image and share on social
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke. Steven Wright arrestkaraokelip Change image and share on social
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number. Steven Wright argumentconsiderlong Change image and share on social
It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear. Steven Wright gearheadhelp Change image and share on social
Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.' Steven Wright askboatbook Change image and share on social
