Top 181 Quotes by Steven Wright

About Steven Wright

These are some quotes by American author Steven Wright Comedian, who was born on December 6, 1955.

I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.

Steven Wright

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.

Steven Wright

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side.

Steven Wright

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

Steven Wright

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

Steven Wright

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Steven Wright

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do you have any toy train schedules?

Steven Wright

When I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.

Steven Wright

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

Steven Wright

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.

Steven Wright

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