My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.' Steven Wright billdoctorpay Change image and share on social
I like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics. Steven Wright coastercompletelyexpansion Change image and share on social
I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be. Steven Wright bigcareercreate share on social
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! Steven Wright apartmentfuriousinstall Change image and share on social
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' Steven Wright birthdayburncandle Change image and share on social
On the other hand, you have different fingers. Steven Wright fingerhand Change image and share on social
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific. Steven Wright buygeneralspecific Change image and share on social
There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person. Steven Wright aliveaudienceelectric share on social
When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.' Steven Wright attentiondayfunny Change image and share on social
