Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? Steven Wright breakcoffeeemployee Change image and share on social
I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them. Steven Wright politicpolitician Change image and share on social
My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere. Steven Wright apartmentelephantlose Change image and share on social
My doctor told me I shouldn't work out until I'm in better shape. I told him, 'All right; don't send me a bill until I pay you.' Steven Wright billdoctorpay Change image and share on social
I like to talk about lint and coasters, the expansion of the universe and maybe McDonald's. I'm completely turned off by the idea of politics. Steven Wright coastercompletelyexpansion Change image and share on social
I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to the side. Steven Wright futureperipheralside Change image and share on social
I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious! Steven Wright apartmentfuriousinstall Change image and share on social
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.' Steven Wright birthdayburncandle Change image and share on social
Like other kids wanted to become firemen or astronauts, I wanted to make people laugh. Steven Wright astronautfiremankid Change image and share on social
