I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.' Steven Wright askbankborrow Change image and share on social
If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? Steven Wright mimeshootsilencer Change image and share on social
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out. Steven Wright circulardrivewayneighbor Change image and share on social
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it's like a circus in my head. Steven Wright backcasualcircus Change image and share on social
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright differencemakeroom Change image and share on social
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright matterroomtemperature Change image and share on social
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Steven Wright askgeorgequarter Change image and share on social
I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it; it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual. Steven Wright casualcomedyexhilarate share on social
It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, 'What the hell am I doing?' Steven Wright bedhellrace Change image and share on social
I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy. Steven Wright abstractartchange Change image and share on social
