If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer? Steven Wright mimeshootsilencer Change image and share on social
To the audience, it's like I'm changing the subject every five seconds, but to me, my show's almost like a 90-minute song that I know exactly. I wrote every note, and I know exactly where everything is. Steven Wright audiencechangeminute share on social
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included. Steven Wright batterybuyinclude Change image and share on social
It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to get the joke across in as few words as possible. However, sometimes a word that's not really needed does help the rhythm of it. It's a gut feeling. Steven Wright feltgutinterest share on social
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.' Steven Wright askbankborrow Change image and share on social
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright differencemakeroom Change image and share on social
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature. Steven Wright matterroomtemperature Change image and share on social
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? Steven Wright askgeorgequarter Change image and share on social
I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it. Steven Wright addbuyinstant Change image and share on social
It seems like we wake up and it's a race until you get to bed. It gets to you after a while and you think, 'What the hell am I doing?' Steven Wright bedhellrace Change image and share on social