Top 71 Quotes by Rita Rudner

My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping.

Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before.

Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping.

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.