In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. Rita Rudner hollywoodmarriagemilk Change image and share on social
A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won't get a bikini wax. Rita Rudner bikinicountrydie Change image and share on social
I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around. Rita Rudner badbirthdaychild share on social
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before. Rita Rudner daymothertaste Change image and share on social
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be. Rita Rudner humanitylosepeople Change image and share on social
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. Rita Rudner bankbusylocal Change image and share on social
Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them. Rita Rudner airbuildcastle Change image and share on social
My mother buried three husbands - and two of them were only napping. Rita Rudner buryhusbandmother Change image and share on social
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. Rita Rudner eventuallyideameet Change image and share on social
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. Rita Rudner annoyfindgreat Change image and share on social