My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping. Rita Rudner burycookiehusband Change image and share on social
I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. It's like having a different dancing partner every night. Rita Rudner audiencedancefeel Change image and share on social
If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good. Rita Rudner audiencefeelgood Change image and share on social
I get so happy when I write a joke. It's a very satisfying, liberating feeling. Rita Rudner felthappyjoke Change image and share on social
My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. Rita Rudner buycarpetchild Change image and share on social
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. Rita Rudner cosmeticdoctorfull Change image and share on social
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in. Rita Rudner bathroomconsistentlyfall Change image and share on social
I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don't know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I'll break up with someone on purpose. Rita Rudner badbreakbuy Change image and share on social
Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother's tasted better the day before. Rita Rudner daymothertaste Change image and share on social
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. Rita Rudner childfeltfriend Change image and share on social
