Top 71 Quotes by Rita Rudner

I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.

I don't like when there's too much conversation because I'm shy and it makes me uncomfortable.

On my tombstone it will say: 'I tried everything - nothing was easy.'

I love to write jokes and that's all I think about.

The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.

I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh.

My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?

There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.

I have no organisational skills. All my energy goes into worry - worrying takes a lot of energy.