Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

When large numbers of men are unable to find work, unemployment results.

My legs are nice, my lips are shapely, and my breasts are pretty. They popped up when I was 11 and they weren't small then. I was teased, but now those kids wish they had what I have!

I've always been very determined, ever since I was a little girl, to make my way.