Rita Rudner

Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want to be.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

As a young child my attention span was, as I remember it, rather short.

I don't really have time to watch too much, but I like 'Family Guy' and 'Entourage.' I'm also obsessed with the YouTube series 'Balls of Steel.' It's hilarious.

Why do men fight who were born to be brothers?