I'm not a person who likes authority. I just love the fact that it's up to me, and I go straight to the audience. Rita Rudner audienceauthorityfact Change image and share on social
Every audience has a personality. Some of them don't have the best personalities, but you're on a date with them for an hour and a half, so you just make the best of it. Rita Rudner audiencedatehalf Change image and share on social
While I do occasionally order items on the Internet, it's hard to teach an old shopper new tricks. I'm convinced that the catalogue will eventually disappear, but not until the last baby boomers have kicked off their smelly Nikes and been buried in mulch. Rita Rudner babyboomerbury share on social
I love to write jokes and that's all I think about. Rita Rudner jokelovewrite Change image and share on social
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso. Rita Rudner cosmeticdoctorfull Change image and share on social
Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire? Rita Rudner dressfirehold Change image and share on social
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. Rita Rudner badbarbieconfident Change image and share on social
I don't want to push the envelope. Let the envelope stay in the middle of the table. I'll just make you laugh. Rita Rudner envelopelaughmake Change image and share on social
My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping. Rita Rudner burycookiehusband Change image and share on social
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry. Rita Rudner buyearexperience Change image and share on social