You know you're a fool when what you're doing makes even the post office seem efficient. Joshua Cohen efficientfoolmake Change image and share on social
You know you're a hopeless record nerd when your time travel fantasies always come around to how cool it would be to go back to 1973 and buy all the great funk and jazz and salsa records that came out that year on tiny obscure labels and are now really rare and expensive. Adam Mansbach backbuycool share on social
You know you're big when you sit in the bathtub and the water in the toilet rises. Art Donovan bathtubbigrise Change image and share on social
You know you're getting old when all the names in your black book have M. D. after them. Harrison Ford blackbookname Change image and share on social
You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. Bob Hope cakecandlecost Change image and share on social
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' Jerry Seinfeld blowcakecandle Change image and share on social
You know you're getting old when you go to more funerals than you do weddings. Jimmy Dean funeralwedding Change image and share on social
You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. George Burns shoelacestooptie Change image and share on social
You know you're getting older when - well, first off, when you read almost any story that begins 'You know you're getting older when.' But you also know it when you not only never heard of the musical guest on a given 'Saturday Night Live' but never heard of the host, either. Tom Shales beginguesthear share on social
You know you're going to have a good day when your morning begins with breakfast in the same room as Carrie Tiffany, David Vann and Lionel Shriver. Hannah Kent beginbreakfastcarrie Change image and share on social
