The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience. Phyllis Diller audiencecareerlearn Change image and share on social
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. Phyllis Diller badcommemoratecook Change image and share on social
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. Phyllis Diller childchoosehome Change image and share on social
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller accidentallydayenjoy Change image and share on social
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. Phyllis Diller angerbellbusiness Change image and share on social
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. Phyllis Diller agegloveliver Change image and share on social
My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life. Phyllis Diller havelaughlife Change image and share on social
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off. Phyllis Diller aimfoothigh Change image and share on social
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. Phyllis Diller justicephotograph Change image and share on social
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. Phyllis Diller diedoglick Change image and share on social
