There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. Phyllis Diller accountbankcheck Change image and share on social
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right. Phyllis Diller instinctivelyknowtotally Change image and share on social
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Phyllis Diller footballoutfitplay Change image and share on social
The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you. Phyllis Diller headlaughpro Change image and share on social
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller accidentallydayenjoy Change image and share on social
A stand-up comic is judged by every line. Singers get applause at the end of their song no matter how bad they are. Phyllis Diller applausebadcomic Change image and share on social
My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. Phyllis Diller badcommemoratecook Change image and share on social
The last thing I'd learn, well into my career, was how to get on, how to say hello, how to get in with the audience. Phyllis Diller audiencecareerlearn Change image and share on social
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. Phyllis Diller bachelorguymake Change image and share on social
