My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor. Phyllis Diller badcommemoratecook Change image and share on social
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard. Phyllis Diller backburyiron Change image and share on social
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot. Phyllis Diller alligatorbarefootcompliment Change image and share on social
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller agebeautyeyesight Change image and share on social
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right. Phyllis Diller instinctivelyknowtotally Change image and share on social
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller eatkitchenodor Change image and share on social
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller childhomeparent Change image and share on social
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. Phyllis Diller eighteenironyear Change image and share on social
My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me. Phyllis Diller justicephotograph Change image and share on social
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from children. Phyllis Diller advicebottlechild Change image and share on social
