I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.' Phyllis Diller agoaskfresh Change image and share on social
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half. Phyllis Diller finehalfhour Change image and share on social
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture. Phyllis Diller diedoglick Change image and share on social
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. Phyllis Diller angerbellbusiness Change image and share on social
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller childhomeparent Change image and share on social
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. Phyllis Diller accountbankcheck Change image and share on social
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right. Phyllis Diller instinctivelyknowtotally Change image and share on social
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public. Phyllis Diller footballoutfitplay Change image and share on social
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. Phyllis Diller childchoosehome Change image and share on social