I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out if me with steel pipes. Patton Oswalt beatinsidepay Change image and share on social
I have a very tiny house in Burbank. I drive an 8-year-old car. I'm gonna drive it into the ground. I enjoy what I enjoy. Patton Oswalt burbankcardrive Change image and share on social
There's nothing wrong with doing comedies, and I'm not against comedies, either, but I always want to do stuff that keeps me off my guard and gets me out of my comfort zone. Patton Oswalt comedycomfortguard Change image and share on social
What you want to worship above youth, I think, is beauty, and beauty is so beyond just appearances after a while. Because you can be with someone who's good-looking; if they open their mouths and they're an idiot, then they cease to be beautiful very quickly. Patton Oswalt appearancebeautifulbeauty share on social
Knock on wood, my groupies tend to be very artistic, creative people - sometimes way more creative than I am. Patton Oswalt artisticcreativegroupie Change image and share on social
Here's what I'm afraid of. I know a lot of comedians, friends of mine, who just got into the 'Doesn't matter what I say. It doesn't matter. They're just gonna laugh anyway.' Patton Oswalt afraidcomedianfriend Change image and share on social
George Bush is not stupid. He's evil. OK? There's a huge difference between stupid and evil. Patton Oswalt bushdifferenceevil Change image and share on social
I mean, all alternative comedy is are comedians that have being doing it for so long, for so long, that they were relaxed enough to start becoming personal on stage. Patton Oswalt alternativecomediancomedy Change image and share on social
There is a part of my generation that is not on social media because they have happy lives and they're not trying to connect with anybody. And there are other people who are on social media because they need to connect. Patton Oswalt connectgenerationhappy share on social
Before doing my first open mic, I was sitting in the back watching all these comedians banter back and forth and fire jokes and up each other, and I thought, 'This is where I wanna be.' Patton Oswalt backbantcomedian Change image and share on social
