We would not be here if humanity were inherently evil. We'd have eaten ourselves alive long ago. Patton Oswalt agoaliveeat Change image and share on social
I've had some pretty good arguments with people, but I've never regretted it. I've had people come up where it's all emotion and no fact. That's always sad. Patton Oswalt argumentemotionfact Change image and share on social
I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything. Patton Oswalt butterfactfingerprint Change image and share on social
We're rewarding either the reality or the appearance of youth, which is why you have all these people in their fifties trying to act like they're seventeen. You know, it's great to be young. Be young. By all means, be young. But always remember that youth is also kinda dumb, and doesn't know a lot yet. Patton Oswalt actappearancedumb share on social
I have to drink this much to be as unfunny as you. Patton Oswalt drinkunfunny Change image and share on social
As unhealthy as I am, I'm weirdly aware of exactly how my body functions. Patton Oswalt awarebodyfunction Change image and share on social
It wasn't until I went to college and met different people from different areas of life - and then went to San Francisco and met people who really knew who the hell they were - that I kind of caught up in a hurry. Patton Oswalt areacatchcollege share on social
It's like our country is being run by a bunch of bad alcoholic dads right now. Patton Oswalt alcoholicbadbunch Change image and share on social
I mean, the death in the late eighties and early nineties really shook out a lot of hacks. The pond just sort of dried up for a lot of really bad comedians. Patton Oswalt badcomediandeath Change image and share on social
If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins. Patton Oswalt coingoldhead Change image and share on social