When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out. Lewis Black americaenergyfair Change image and share on social
Most of the longer-term relationships I've known have been gay relationships. They seem to be able to hang out longer. Lewis Black gayhanghave Change image and share on social
Democrats are like a big tortoise that's on its back and can't get up; you can't make jokes about that. Lewis Black backbigdemocrat Change image and share on social
The thing that makes my generation The Greatest is our ability to hang out. We're spectacular at it. If you take somebody from my generation and sit them on a couch and bring them food and plumbing, they'll sit there and talk to you about anything you want until the day you die. Lewis Black abilitybringcouch share on social
I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet. Lewis Black applelifeplanet Change image and share on social
Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny. Lewis Black collegedadfunny Change image and share on social
Let me be serious: divorce is a sacred institution between a man and a woman who hate each other. God wanted Adam to pay alimony to Eve, not Steve. Lewis Black adamalimonydivorce Change image and share on social
And I know this happens because I took economics, and I'd explain it to ya, but I flunked that course. Not my fault. They taught it at 8 o'clock in the morning. And there is absolutely nothing you can learn out of one bloodshot eye. Lewis Black absolutelybloodshotclock share on social
What I've found in my career is that 70 to 75 percent of comics are nice and have some sense of social skills, but there are those who end up in comedy because they don't know how to socialize. I don't want to deal with that group. Lewis Black careercomedycomic share on social
My parents were married for sixty-five years, and I was married for about ten minutes, my first year at Yale Drama School. Something, somehow, didn't get passed on to my generation. Lewis Black dramagenerationmarry Change image and share on social
