Top 88 Quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

The worst way of flying, I think, is standby. It never works. That's why they call it standby. You end up standing there going, 'Bye!'

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

We sold 'Seinfeld' all over the world but it was a very specific kind of show. In some countries it went down really well, in others they hated it.

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want!

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

There are very few people who really appreciate my shows. People come to the show and they pay and they enjoy it, but I don't really think most people really understand what they've seen.

Well, Howard Stern has been doing his impression of me for years. It doesn't really bother me.

I do a little thing about the way people shake the sweetener packet. You know, like they're all excited. I want to get all the granules down to one end. I love all these rituals.

I do probably 60 concerts a year in the States. And I go out to clubs in the week. I'm doing new stuff all the time.